How Media Affects Our Self-Image—And Ways to Challenge the Narrative

Michel’le, a comedian and advocate who focuses on Black history and the rights of sex workers. (Photo credit: Levi Meir Clancy/Unsplash)

A few weeks ago, I posted an affirmation post that is all about how your story deserves to be shared with others. I wrote, “Your story deserves to be told–not as a side note, but as the main narrative.”

But what does that mean? What goes into this statement, especially when you might feel like the media has made you believe your story isn’t worthy?

There are a lot of people, me included, who have felt like they haven’t been represented in society. I know for me, personally, I always felt like someone who was like me–an introverted, glasses-wearing Black girl who had “weird” interests–wasn’t represented at all. And if someone like me was represented, they were usually portrayed as uncool, or needing a glow-up (i.e. all of those films and TV shows in which the girl with glasses has to leave them behind in order to be seen as “beautiful”). I grew up feeling very uncool, undesirable, and in some cases, lonely, even when I was surrounded by friends. I had internalized that I wasn’t good enough because I wore glasses, wasn’t “sassy” or overtly girly or skinny enough (even though I actually was–curse you, ’90s beauty standards!).

These insecurities aren’t even touching on how odd I felt as a young girl who struggled with Pure OCD–No one was talking about that in the ’90s, and if there was a character on a TV show or film with mental illness, they were always presented as a freak or as someone so beyond the pale that they couldn’t function in “normal” society.

You might have felt something similar because of your race, body type, religion, culture, sexuality, mental health, or a combination of those aspects. If you have, take solace in the fact that you’re not alone.

I want to dispel something your negative voice might be telling you (at the very least, here’s what mine would tell me):
You are NOT weak, naive or gullible for being influenced by movies and television. Nothing is wrong with you if you find that you have thoughts about yourself because of the messaging in entertainment.

It’s easy for some people to believe that entertainment is “just entertainment” because the images in movies and TV might routinely showcase them in a positive light. For example, one of my favorite genres is period drama. But take a look at the vast landscape of period drama–most of it does not have characters that look like a Black, 36-year-old woman. Most of the characters finding true love and living out the audience’s fanciful romance dreams are white, blonde, skinny, and full of windswept beauty. It’s only been in recent times, especially after the Bridgerton boom, that people of color have been a big part of period romance stories.

A lot of viewers who are like me, a woman of color, aren’t represented at all, and watching the genre repeatedly can lead a woman of color to develop negative thoughts about themselves–“Am I seen as soft and attractive? Could I find my true love? Does my version of femininity compare to this female lead?” Meanwhile, white female audience members can easily imagine themselves as Elizabeth Bennett, Elinor and Marianne Dashwood, or the heroines in various Masterpiece murder mysteries. The representation imbalance benefits them.

Or, if you’re a cosplay girly, just think about how many times there have been gatekeepers acting like women of color can’t cosplay as characters who are seen as traditionally white. Sci-fi, fantasy and even slice-of-life cartoons and video games still gear more towards white characters, meaning fans of color must racebend characters or utilize their imagination and empathy to feel kinship with characters who don’t represent them racially, culturally, or even religiously. For instance, Star Wars has just now started showcasing more characters of color. Before then, the franchise seemed to believe that “representation” meant Lando Calrissian and tons of white women who were brunettes.

I’ve written quite a lot about the husband and wife doctor team Kenneth and Mamie Clark, who became known for their doll tests of the 1940s. (I’ve also written about them in my book, The Book of Awesome Black Americans!) Their experiments involving Black children choosing between Black dolls and white dolls revealed how the negative, discriminatory messaging at the time made Black children feel ashamed of their skin, leading them to choose a white doll over a Black doll. The tests have been repeated by various sociologists over the decades, and sadly the results have been similar to what the Clarks found. Non-white children are still feeling ashamed of being different, leading them to choose dolls that represent the status quo.

Penn State’s Applied Social Psychology (ASP) program talks more about how thee media can affect how we see ourselves.

In a 2024 blog post, the ASP team wrote that mass media “plays a significant role in shaping our perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors.” They added that media’s influence “can be seen across various aspects of our lives, including our self-esteem.”

The blog goes into a theory proposed by George Gerbner and Larry Gross, who believe that “prolonged exposure to media, particularly television, can shape individuals’ perceptions of reality.”

“Over time, repeated exposure to certain messages and portrayals can lead to a distorted view of the world,” the ASP team explain, adding that the theory is called the cultivation theory.

“In the context of self-esteem, cultivation theory says that individuals may internalized media messages about beauty standards, success, and social norms, leading to comparisons and potential negative self-evaluation,” the blog continues.

In other words, think about the number of times you’ve been exposed to messaging about body standards, racial stereotypes, or even a lack of characters who represent you. These messages can teach and reinforce thoughts that lead to low self-esteem, thoughts like, “Am I important? Am I desirable? Is there a reason I feel invisible to the world?”

The good thing about understanding this is recognizing that you are not the only person affected by the media. All of us who are afflicted by the media’s representation imbalance are finding our way, combatting external negative influences and building up our self-confidence.

With that said, here are some tools and resources that can help us combat negative messaging and keep our self-worth intact.

Media literacy: While it is important to demand that studios and creators make stories that combat negative stereotyping, it is also on us as consumers to critically think about what we watch. To go back to the ASP blog, media literacy is described as something that “can help individuals critically analyze media messages and challenge unrealistic portrayals.”

I also write about media literacy on the daily, and in my free resource, The First 5: 5 Thought-Provoking Media Literacy Starter Questions, “Thinking critically about media isn’t just about deciding if you’re a fan of a show, film, or franchise. Thinking critically about media helps us better understand how a story its characters give us a perspective of a group of people, an ideology, or a culture. This perspective shapes our perception of our own world.”

Once we can pinpoint what a piece of media is telling us about a group of people, an ideology or a culture, we can decide if it rings true. It’s great to know that we have control over what we decide to think, and if you realize there’s a storyline or characterization that makes you feel shame over who you are, you can decide to let that message go without applying it to yourself. Even better, you can attack that message by using social media to call it out. With Hollywood more in tune than ever with social media, knowing that they’re always listening to viewers actually helps move the needle towards more responsible storytelling more than you know.

Some other strategies the blog prescribes that I also agree with:

• Exposing yourself to diverse forms of media, which can “provide a more a balanced perspective and prevent the internalization of harmful stereotypes.”

• Practicing positive self-talk can be a barrier between yourself and harmful messaging and thoughts. I personally have started telling myself I’m proud of myself and how I love myself. It’s helped me combat some deep self-loathing I have been working for years to overcome.

• Creating friendships with people offline can help fight those negative ideas as well. A compassionate support system can help you cultivate a positive self outlook.

Your story deserves to be told. And you deserve to tell it, no matter what messaging the media might tell you. I know I want to hear your story, and others want to hear from you too.